


Die, Strep Die!

by icedteainthebag, zinke



Category: Battlestar Galactica (2003)
Genre: Crack, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-13
Updated: 2017-01-13
Packaged: 2018-09-17 06:11:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,666
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9308801
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/icedteainthebag/pseuds/icedteainthebag, https://archiveofourown.org/users/zinke/pseuds/zinke
Summary: "Then who is it?" Laura asks, her gaze shifting anxiously between Bill and the DRADIS screen above their heads. "Or what," Bill replies grimly. "I want an ID now, Mr. Gaeta."





	

**Author's Note:**

> Originally posted to Livejournal on January 23, 2010.
> 
> Just a little something - a very cracky little something - we whipped up for nnaylime, who has been struck down by illness and as such is unable to enjoy what was supposed to be an awesome weekend. Hopefully this will help make up for that. *hugs*

"Sitrep, Mr. Gaeta."

"Multiple DRADIS contacts, sir."

"The Cylons?" Bill asks as he takes his place at the console.

"I don't think so, sir. Ship configuration doesn’t match."

"Then who is it?" Laura asks, her gaze shifting anxiously between Bill and the DRADIS screen above their heads.

"Or what," Bill replies grimly. "I want an ID now, Mr. Gaeta."

Gaeta stares at the screen, his brow furrowed. "Its components look spherical, but they seem bound by a single axis. Whatever it is, it's formed chains. Long, winding chains."

"Mr. Gaeta, do we have time to run a Lancefield serotyping on the incoming assailants?" Laura asks, flattening her palms against the console and casting a glance at Bill.

"Negative," Gaeta says. "Our Lancefield serotyping capabilities were knocked out during the last Cylon attack."

Laura folds her arms over her chest. "We need to get Cottle in here," she says, her voice a low warning tone.

Bill nods gravely and reaches for the comm. “I need Cottle in CIC. Now."

 

The doctor arrives a few minutes later, looking none too pleased. "'As the Zephyr Turns' is on the godsdamn wireless, so this had better be good."

"Mr. Gaeta, please bring Doc Cottle up to speed."

It doesn't take long for Gaeta to convey the little information they had.

"Well, without being able to do an analysis of the carbohydrates in the bacterial cell wall, at first glance, these little invaders look like beta-hemolytic streptococci."

Cottle's declaration is met by uncomprehending stares.

“You’ve got to be frakking kidding me. Didn’t any of you take biology in college?” he growls impatiently, staring pointedly at Laura.

"Don't look at me. I was just a teacher. And I taught English, not biology," she adds. She clears her throat. "Well, I dabbled in some anatomy."

"You what?" Bill asks.

Cottle rolls his eyes. "Beta-hemolytic streptococci is a highly contagious bacterium and a real bitch to kill. If left untreated, it'll infect the entire fleet in the next 48 to 72 hours."

"Oh, my Gods," Laura gasps. "The human race..."

"Will be decimated," Cottle interjects. "So much for making babies."

Gaeta leans back in his chair and studies his fingernails. "If we jump away," he sighs, "we'll be leaving the infected ships behind."

Laura shakes her head sharply. "No. Abandoning the fleet is not an option. There has to be another way to keep this thing from spreading."

"Do we have anything on board that can stop it?”

"What we need," Cottle says as he reaching into his labcoat pocket for a cigarette, "is penicillin. And a frakking lot of it."

"Mr. Gaeta?" Bill asks, staring at the DRADIS screen.

Gaeta mutters something incomprehensible and leans over his console, his fingers rapidly flying over its keyboard. “Checking the ships stores now, sir.”

“And if we bombard this bacterium with enough penicillin, we’ll be able to destroy it?” Laura's voice is fraught with uncertainty.

“With a direct hit, yes. I believe so. That or we die. It's a toss up, really," he says with an indifferent shrug.

"What's it going to take?" Bill asks.

Cottle strikes a match against the edge of the console and lights up. "Hard to say. But to be on the safe side, I'd recommend we give it everything we've got."

"Which looks to be about 8.46 JP's," Gaeta adds a moment later.

Bill meets Laura's gaze and she nods imperceptibly in response to his unspoken question.

"Get me the CAG," Bill growls.

 

Lee Adama rushes into the CIC a few minutes later. "What've we got?"

"The fleet is under attack."

His face falls slightly. "Not the Cylons again?"

"Not this time. We've got a colony of dangerously virulent bacteria bearing down on the fleet. They'll be in contamination range in..." Bill glances up to consult the DRADIS console. "Less than ten minutes."

"Seriously?"

"Yes." Laura replies as she steps forward and looks intently at Lee. "We need a Viper pilot to deliver a highly concentrated dosage of penicillin to these...these..."

"Beta-hemolytic streptococci," Cottle provides.

"Frak. Can we call it something else?" Laura runs her hand through her hair, frustrated. "Like... strep, maybe?"

"I like that," Bill says.

"It rolls off the tongue quite nicely," Dee says from her post.

"Whatever," Cottle growls.

"So you want me to go out there and...What? Disinfect this thing?"

"Not disinfect. Annihilate." Bill walks over and rests a hand on his Lee's shoulder. "It's time you learned how to roll the hard six, son."

"Yes, sir," Lee replies in a quivering voice before saluting crisply to Bill and the others.

Laura returns the gesture, her expression grimly serious. "Now get out there and save our collective asses, Captain Apollo!"

 

Lee is away only a few minutes later, streaking at top speed toward the rapidly approaching contagion. In CIC, the others wait anxiously. Laura moves to stand beside Bill at the console, and tries not to visibly react when she feels his hand surreptitiously move to cover hers. "Mr. Gaeta, how long until intercept?"

"If our attack is unsuccessful, the strep will reach the fleet perimeter in...five minutes."

"Not much time to formulate a plan B, is it?" Laura observes grimly.

"No. Which is why we have to make sure we don't need one." Bill picks up the comm and brings it to his lips. "Apollo, this is Galactica actual. What's your status?"

"Copy, actual. I should be in firing range in less than two minutes."

"Then it's time to go weapons hot, Captain."

Reaching down, Lee flicks several switches on the cockpit's console. "Confirmed, actual. Weapons--"

Stopping short, Lee can only watch in astonishment as several of the bacteria break away from the main group. Slowly, they begin to curl and twist, each into a distinct shape that, by themselves, wouldn't have given Lee much reason for pause. But together... "Oh my gods!" Lee exclaims suddenly.

"Apollo? What is it?" Bill leans more heavily on the console as he waits impatiently for a response. "Lee! Report!"

"It's...They're smiling at me!"

"What the hell do you mean, 'smiling at you'?"

"I think they might be trying to communicate," Lee cuts back on the throttle, slowing his approach. "Maybe we don't have to destroy them."

"I knew we should have sent Starbuck," Bill says angrily. Laura places a hand on his arm.

"Shoot them down, Captain Apollo," she says calmly, her eyes focused on the screen overhead.

"But... Madam President! They're so... happy looking!"

Laura puts her hands on her hips and shakes her head as she begins to pace. "Looks are deceiving. If you wait any longer, they'll infect this fleet and we'll be done for."

"I...I don't know if I can do this," Lee says, shaking his head violently. His thumb twitches on the trigger, his penicillin-laden missiles at the ready.

"Do it," Laura yells, leaning over the console. "Dose up that frakkin' strep, Captain Apollo!"

"C'mon Lee," Bill murmurs. "Just do it."

Lee's face falls, his burden heavy. "I'm so sorry," he says, his voice cracking. "I'm sorry."

Pulling the trigger, Lee watches helplessly as the missiles streak away, hitting their mark seconds later with deadly precision.

Everyone in CIC collectively holds their breath as the detonation momentarily distorts the DRADIS array. When the screens clear a moment later, it's Gaeta that speaks first. "DRADIS is clear. The target has been destroyed!"

The room immediately erupts into cheers. Decorum forgotten, Laura throws her arms around Bill, hugging him tightly while Cottle watches with unabashed interest. Gaeta stands and takes Dee's hand, shaking it vigorously as he leans in to whisper conspiratorially, "Still think they're not doing it?"

Dee's eyes narrow as she watches the two embrace. "Fifty cubits. Undeniable proof. No exceptions."

"It's on," Gaeta hisses as he releases her hand and resumes his seat.

Reluctantly, Bill relinquishes his hold and Laura, straightening his uniform jacket as he turns to acknowledge the others with a nod of his head. "Dee, bring him in."

"With pleasure, sir," Dee replies brightly. "Good work, Apollo. Come on home."

 

Laura is walking the hallway toward Bill's quarters, ready for a hot shower and some relaxation time, when she sees Lee heading toward the CIC.

"Captain Apollo," she says, reaching out to shake his hand. "I'd like to thank you for saving our collec--"

"Collective asses, I know," he says, kicking at the metal grating at his feet. He casts his eyes downward with a sigh.

"What's wrong?" Laura asks. "You just saved humanity. Tens of thousands of people have you to thank that they're not heavily infected with nasty bacteria right now."

"I just feel so much guilt over annihilating all of that bacteria," Lee says. He looks up into Laura's eyes. "It was just trying to survive. Isn't that what we're all trying to do out here?" He takes her hand. "Survive?"

Laura pulls her hand away and pats Lee on the arm. "You know, I learned a lot of valuable things during my time under President Adar."

She pauses, her look thoughtful, then continues.

"The one thing I learned that I can tell you is that we never forget," she says. She slides her hand into her pocket and pulls out a piece of paper. She reaches out, offering it to him.

Lee gently plucks the paper away from her and looks at it. The handwriting is Laura's.

~~Beta hemolitic strep streptocock streptococi~~ Strep.

"I'll never forget," he says, his jaw set.

Laura nods. "That's the point."

"Thank you, Madam President."

"Thank you, Captain Apollo." She smiles broadly. "You are the reason we are still alive at this very moment. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm late for a very important private meeting with the Admiral."

He nods, his eyes still on the note. "Enjoy your meeting."

She laughs. "Always, Captain."

Laura walks away. Lee sighs and puts the note in his pocket, gazing out the window at the stars.

"I'll never forget your smiling faces," he says softly.

  
*fin.*


End file.
